Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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