ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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