My hand turned me down
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
