he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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