I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
