You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
