I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
