Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
