There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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