Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
