I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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