I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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