The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
A+ Viking dick
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
