Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just sent this text using only my big toe
zippers are such a cool invention
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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