He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
is that a dick in a sweater?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
