that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
