Walk of Shame today included voting.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
