I hate all girls vehemently.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
