So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
