i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
