I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Randomize
