He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think I just sharted jello shots
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