who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
