this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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