it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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