It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
