Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
