my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
