Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
