It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
they're like a gay fantastic four
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
