Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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