you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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