Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Drake has all the answers
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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