do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
