I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
