got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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