If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
