that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
