i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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