I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
