dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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