I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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