Having a random hookup so left but love u
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
