My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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