wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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