When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
