You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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