Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
