What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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