she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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