the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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