We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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