dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
